Dear Trekker,
I stood before a group of committed military teens recently in Seoul, Korea. While introducing the challenge – “to know and do the Father’s business” (Please read the Gospel of Luke 2:41-52.), I found myself saying rather matter-of-factly, “Don’t assume your parents have it all together. They don’t! And you won’t either when you are in their shoes! We all must understand the Father’s business in every age of life, and step out of preoccupation with ourselves, if we are to become the persons God intended!”
As we move into another Advent season, I have a lot of respect for the parents-to-be, Joseph and Mary. But Jesus’ parents were human and the sin nature is revealed in their parenting anxieties when Jesus was twelve! Mary spoke for Joseph and all parents when she found the lad, who had remained in the temple and was responding to his “highest calling” – “Son, why have you done this to us?” Wow, what a window on the interior life of all parents! Will we parents ever learn it is not about “us”, but Him, and who He has designed our children to be?
I challenged the teens… “You need to step out of the expectations of your parents (as Jesus did), and become the person you were created and redeemed to be.” I said, “When Jesus stayed back for cause, he was not being disobedient to his parents; he was marching to a higher drum beat, yet remaining obedient to his parents!”(v.51) He was declaring first allegiance to his Heavenly Father. Your and my allegiance must be to God first, as well. Finding one’s niche in adolescence is the key to life, and likely successful parenting in the years to come.
Parenting is not for sissies. It is not only difficult but arguably the most important job known to man! God gave parents children for a reason. Children are a gift of God and “blessed is the man whose quiver is full” (Psalm 127). If we parents “mess it up” (and who parents perfectly), our kids and society-at-large pay the price. Knowing the keys to parenting is essential in every age. However, be cautioned… God did not give parents children in order for either to be primarily happy! God has far nobler purposes!
The period between birth and adulthood is greater for the human race than for any other species in creation. Why is that? Could it be that being made in the image of God is not achieved overnight? Raising children with ultimate values intact, compassionate hearts, strong wills, respect for others, an instinct to take responsibility for their actions, and an acceptance and love for God, and is the fertile seed of every successful civilization. Surely, we are to birth a culture of interdependence, not one of dependency. It is the mandate of creation… it can be no other way.
I believe the key to effective parenting is an application of three life principles. I have addressed these before in my writing. We are to be the model of what we teach; we are to draw heavily on the Divine resource known as prayer; and we are to minister to our children at the point of their need, as unto God Himself!
First, all kids are divine originals and belong first and are ultimately accountable to God, as are we parents. We are all made to know God through Jesus Christ, then to live Jesus and to speak Jesus. Sorta straight forward! There is no lasting “anything” apart from our God who sustains us! We parents, by our lives, demonstrate to our children to follow their passion as we follow ours, but strive to succeed “for the glory of God” and for the good of others, not for ourselves. By our persistence and upbeat spirit we live out that failure is not fatal, and that “God never fails” to supply all our needs. Our kids trust as we trust. And their lives fall into place, His place, over time.
Secondly, I have said repeatedly, both privately and publicly, we must talk to God more about our kids than we talk to them about God! Parents are the first preachers in history; not a distinction we should cherish! Kids don’t respond to preaching! They respond to role models. And when role models known as parents pray as if everything depended on their prayers, and live as if everything depended on their example, things happen! Lives of our kids (and ours too) are changed!
Thirdly, we must focus on their needs, and minister to them. For parents of teens, it still is spelled, t-i-m-e! Are we there when they need us? Maybe the ever present one-word answer by our teens would turn into good give and take discussion if more parenting answers were also not one word, “no”. As I reflect on my own fathering, I wish I could have been more creative in living out “yes”, with my children! Celebrate life together! My fondest memories are the times we did things together as a family. Plan it, Dad!
Parenting never enjoys the luxury of a dress rehearsal. We get one chance! Parents who fear they have dropped the ball may have only punted. When we become genuine “Be-ers” as parents inspired by God, we can score a touchdown overnight with our kids. Kids forgive and forget easily when parents “shape up”. Even parents still bearing scars from their own painful childhood can be loved and respected by their children as they change and “win the right to be heard,” not demand it.
So, trekker, how is it with you? Are you a parent, a “wanna-be” parent, or an “over-the-hill” parent? Thankfully, parenting never stops. How we love to parent our adult children… to cheer them on, to pray for them, to give counsel when asked, to grandparent their 18 children (and two grands), to celebrate life together, to help carry their burdens, to keep passing the baton, Jesus, to the next generations. I hope you are finding your parenting an exciting trek, my friend! You and Jesus can handle it. I’ll guarantee it, because He does!
Let’s enjoy the advent season together,
Your trekker parent friend,
Jim Meredith
