Dear Trekker,
I’ve been thinking recently… if attitude (and its counterpart, perspective) is “everything” in life, surely communicating it well is a close second! How can we communicate better… more effectively, more lovingly, more honestly?
If we live in an information age (and we surely do as never before), why do we communicate so ineffectively and derogatorily? Many seem to have captured, “ticking off” hearers! As I write, a well-known talk show host recently called a woman he professedly didn’t know, a put down four-letter word. Good communication? Your answer is tied to your perspective. Please remember, freedom of speech and good communication are not one and the same. Neither is information or knowledge synonymous with communication.
I was supposed to write this yesterday, but now I know why I didn’t. I learned last night that I had failed in communicating well to one of my closest friends… he felt put down and put off. (Beware of email. It has limitations as a good communication medium.) I felt a breach, asked forgiveness, and again had lived out the daunting challenge of communicating well! I’d be surprised trekker if you cannot identify with my failure.
The standards for a trekker in Christ are pretty high… the Apostle Paul nails it when writing to the church at Ephesus: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God… get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice; be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgives you.” A tall order, but doable in Christ, by His spirit within.
Earlier in the same train of thought, Paul our brother gives the all-time standard for good communication in the challenge “to speak the truth in love.” The truth for sure, but always in love, thinking the best about your hearer, seeking to build up and not tear down, and guarding against thinking evil, as in name calling. We must never attack people to prove a point. One who disagrees is not a “slime ball”. Passionate dissent need not and should not eventuate in attacking people just because we think we are right.
As I have reflected in recent days on the broader subject of communication, I have been led to meditate on the relationship of communication and communion. Friends communicate better because they know each other, they hold values in common, and they see each other as Christ sees us! Good communication follows communion, fosters it, and reflects understanding and relationships. Communion initiates communication (as in prayer) and ensures understanding as well as being understood. “Come let us reason together” is the essence of communion and communication.
Again, in reflection, I have jotted down a host of “good communication habits” that will help us communicate as God communicates, or communicate in His image! First, we must answer in our own minds how we view people with whom we are communicating. Trekker, bottom line, there are only two types of people in the world… those who know Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord, and those who don’t or have not yet chosen to believe that His person, work, and presence in their lives is operative. So, our approach and spirit to people is either one of energizing brothers in their walk, or projecting the truth about the Lifegiver so that the hearer is inclined to believe because of our words and actions.
Following this, we engage people with civility… respecting their dignity as a person made in the image of God and for whom Christ died. Note, this approach has nothing to do with their speech, their conduct, their attractiveness or their “turnoffs”. Thirdly, we communicate enthusiastically, passionately, winsomely, with a smile on our face (or a cheery email expression). Be careful, trekker, that your attitude or looks do not betray your words. Peter had that problem the night he betrayed Jesus; our “looks” will betray us, too.
And we must communicate with patience, seeking common ground and agreed upon references, and always learningly and charitably. Think the “best” of the one with whom you are speaking. Be cautious you don’t project wrong motives. Often the “problem” with the other person masks our problem! Give the hearer the benefit of the doubt, and, do likewise when on the receiving end.
We must never speak disdainfully or condemningly! That has no place as we set out to encourage people. We won’t always agree. To paraphrase a truism, we must seek unity in the essentials of life, liberty in non-essentials, (which means bargain and compromise joyfully) and charity (speaking the truth in love) in all things!
Be aware of the downside of self-focus in communication… exaggeration, accusation, distortion, put-down, and silence, otherwise known as “stewing” for my Hoosier trekkers. Words hurt and kill the spirit… yes, we are all murderers with the words we say, as well as the deeds we may do.
Trekker, let’s communicate “heartily as unto the Lord”. Let’s not let the sun go down on our wrath”, but “let us stimulate one another (with words) to love and good deeds.” The admonitions of Scripture lead to good communication, enhanced relationships, and rock solid community, where in holding “all things in common”, God inevitably chooses to bless the fellowship!
I don’t know about you, trekker, but I want to communicate as God communicates. And I want to communicate better, speak better, write better. I have no axe to grind with anybody. I have no enemies I know about, but one, and my Lord has defeated him at the Cross. If “those out there” have trouble with me, I’m saddened for I don’t have trouble with them. I can disagree and not be disagreeable. I can love and not be loved. I can encourage; I can give and receive nothing in return, and yet I always do.
Trekker, let’s go to work on being better communicators, speaking to others the truth in love. We’ve all a “ways to go”, but good luck. We can do better.
Your trekker friend,
Jim Meredith
