Dear Trekker,

The one question that I seem to be hearing continually from friends and family since friend wife entered eternal glory last month is simply, “How are you doing, Jim?” Good question…tough to answer! But one thing is for certain… I am back to square one!

My life seems to have unfolded in three phases…before Barbara, with Barbara, and now, post Barbara. I was 20 when we first met; we married when I was 22, fresh out of college, bound for the U.S Army at Ft. Bliss, TX. Then we were together to experience the world. The key word is together. And we both were off “square one,” but totally together…in Christ, in love, in the promised land of “happily ever after.” Sixty-five years with the greatest woman who ever could live with this ransomed sinner wasn’t long enough, I’m learning. Now – I am back to square one and life without Barbara! “Where we are” depends a lot on where and who and what we put our faith in! The dimensions of our faith are critical!

As I reflect, babies are the epitome of square one. The beginning…they can do little for themselves. Basic growth (walking, talking, potty training, etc.), must take place before the journey of life can begin and the unique, divine original can come alive. Adolescence fools one; one believes way to soon, he or she is launched into mature adulthood; not so. It is not surprising that in today’s world adolescence gets longer and longer, not shorter and shorter, as in wiser and wiser! The journey of one’s “mark in life” is slower and slower to launch, or so it seems.

Adolescents soon learn everything is not under their control. In fact, little is. Parents for sure are living in la-la-land. They don’t get it! Everything in the “big, bad world” is against you, “we” say…parents, friends at times, physical limitations, unpredictability, etc. Up to square one, we live by sight; after square one, one lives by faith, hope, and charity of others.

Charity is the essence of marriage. Understanding, forgiveness, help and expectations of a “help-mate” are all positive and lead us off on the journey, off of square one! Love and a servant’s heart are great companions for the journey. Hearts (and bodies) blend. And in Christ (noticeably) we find who we are, and who our mate is! Hebrews 11:1, 2 from Eugene Peterson’s The Message, is instructive here: “The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God [through Christ], this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes life worth living. It’s our handle on what we can’t see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd.” Yes, square one is where we learn to live with the absence of what we can directly control and launch forth into a life of faith and presence in God and each other’s presence.

Square one for me at 20 (meeting and falling in love with Ms. Barbara) was the beginning of the most wild, satisfying journey possible. Barbara was next to perfection. With Barbara life was a little bit of heaven on earth! No kidding! Christ met all my earthly needs in Barbara! But not so fast and flowery, you say. Along the way, we know our mate is not God, but we surely are His image and likeness, or Jesus with skin on to each other, I am prone to say.

As I reflect on my life with Barbara, trouble (for me, not her) was usually attributable to retreating from square one (my marriage and responsibility at 22) back into me wanting to be in control of my wife, as opposed to letting her blossom in Jesus. It is narcissistic behavior when I want to denigrate spiritual sovereignty over myself and my wife. Forget romance and learning and exploring together. Forget the mystery of bound together in love. The narcissist foolishly is happy in his or her own little world of me, myself and I. Shun this debilitating attitude like the plague, trekker.

Now I am back to square one because I no longer can see, feel or hear Jesus coming to me through my mate, Barbara. The more she was like Christ, the more she fulfilled my needs and challenged me to fulfill her needs. What do I mean by being back to square one? It is me and the Lord directly! I have returned to a pre-Barbara existence, but older, wiser, and more blessed than imaginable to most men. Now I must reconnect, or allow the Holy Spirit to reconnect with me, “the wonder of it all” as the song says, the direct interaction of the Holy Spirit into my life, not through Barbara. Yes, I must worship my Savior, alone! I need to cultivate the discipline of humility before God. And I must listen to God. Barbara was the greatest listener I ever met (and many attest to this). My Achilles heel is I am not the listener I strive in my heart to be. We must listen to our mates, trekker, with the ears and understanding of God. But to do that, we must listen to God who has spoken sovereign and loving words to all of us…the Scriptures. Here is another poignant Message translation: “The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what He does for us, not by what we are and what we do for Him. Romans 12:3b.

A return to square one for me, I am convinced, is to once again drown (or focus) my thoughts and being into what God has said and done! Of course, what he says and does are identical. He is sovereign! He will supply all my needs according to His riches in glory! He is a good, the one and only, true, genuine, and grace-laden God. This is where Scripture comes to front and center. (Trekker, Barbara could quote more Scriptures than any person I have ever known). As I return to immersing myself in Scripture, in these post-Barbara days, I will be alive in the realization of what God only can give- love, peace, and joy unspeakable!

One thing for sure in the post-Barbara era: It is not about how Jim is doing! I haven’t arrived yet in this post-Barbara state. It is about God and what He is doing through His written Word in the power of application and blessing in and to my life. It is again…all about Jesus! The world needs a greater appreciation of Jesus. Will you and I be that channel when we are forced in life to return to square one? It is the beginning of all life in Christ…not us, but Him alone!

Trekker, Eugene Peterson’s essay, Back to Square One: God Said (The Witness of Holy Scripture), crux is the inspirational source of this month’s Passing the Baton. As always, good exegesis and eisegesis of which the Message stands unparalleled in modern English, is timely and applicable to all our inspirational needs. Every trekker should know and read The Message.

Trusting in God alone…He will see me through.

Your trekker friend,

Jim Meredith