Dear Fellow Trekker,

I have always liked February. It is an unusual month in many ways – a love month! From grade school we loved Washington’s and Lincoln’s birthdays (now Presidents’ Day) as a beloved day off! Valentine’s Day is the love day. The 24th of this month is the birthday of the woman I love as no other, my sweetheart, Barbara. And because this year is our 50th year of walking through life together, hand in hand, in sickness and in health, it’s time to write a bit about that venerable institution we call marriage. Some of you have requested this in recent months. So hang on! This marriage stuff is quite a ride, and we may only get a good start down the road this month.

Now let me confess. I am quite bullish on marriage. If ever in doubt about any societal mores, go back to creation. Then you will launch from a firm foundation. God said, “It is not right for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” And the Genesis account records that when Adam laid eyes upon Eve the first time, he let out a war hoop “wow man!” and so we have named the female of the species, woman, ever since! Well, maybe it was not exactly that way, but pretty close. Male and female were made by God, for God, and for each other. Relationally speaking, traditional marriage is normal for adults. Marriage is a covenant of intimacy, an “in-to-mesee”, lifelong, God ordained relationship for our pleasure, joy, companionship, and procreation. The marriage relationship between a man and a woman is the most basic, complete, human relationship known. It is to be wholistic, encompassing the entire body and soul, and holistic, filled and completed by the Spirit. Physical union is to be desired, and such intimacies are a symbol of the oneness God intends only for marriage. For sure, I’ve always been captured by a traditional view of marriage.

Our culture today is lost in the wilderness on this subject, and doesn’t have a clue. Romance and physical intimacies are matter-of-factly divorced from marriage, and marriages often are devoid of true love and caring affection. (A wife lamented to her husband that he never said he loved her. He responded, “I said I loved you when we were married, and if I ever change my mind, I will let you know.”) Husbands and wives slide into rivalry, jealous and threatened, both feel rejection. Spouses often are married to jobs; personal pursuits and prestige outside the home seem far more desirable. No wonder marriages fail.

Yet, marriage is the foundation of all society, the human cornerstone of every culture down through history. I like the statement by Eugene Peterson, contemporary pastor, Scripture scholar and translator, “Every marriage is proof that the other is not the enemy, not the rival, not the threat, but the friend, the ally and, at best, the lover.” One couldn’t give a more rousing cheer of affirmation for this incredible, time-tested union of two people. Paul speaks similarly to the church at Ephesus. “a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become ’one flesh’.  This is a huge mystery!” Marriage as mystery is to be guarded, protected, preserved, and lived out for God’s glory. It is far more than a mere social contract to be abrogated at will. God is not the author of fractured relationships. Hence, divorce is “hated” by God. Under ’normal’ conditions, it should never occur.

So, what are the broad ’to do’ strokes of a successful marriage? Let me suggest three biggies:

1. Each must model Jesus Christ to the other. We are each first called to a personal walk with the God of the universe, through Christ alone. Each must first fall in love with Jesus. Each must become ‘Jesus with skin on’ to the other. Jesus comes to us through our mate more ’livingly’ than any other medium, for marriage is the sanctuary of incarnation.

2. Each partner is called to minister to the other at the point of his or her need. Each delights in serving the other, as unto Christ. Understanding that each is God’s provision for the other is absolutely essential to ensure harmony and fulfillment in marriage. Both striving to minister to each other, not thinking of himself or herself ’more highly than one ought’, seals the bonds of friendship, intimacy and trust. Communication of needs, hopes, and dreams is important, but ministering to each other yields a deep, rich form of communion which often exceeds verbal communication.

3. Finally, mates must pray for each other. Guys, pray for and with your wife! (For many years, Barbara and I have been praying together right before we drift off to sleep.) The Holy Spirit will make your sweetheart a beautiful woman, as she blossoms from the inside out. Speak into her life through prayer first, and then encourage her with words of acceptance, appreciation, and affirmation. Guys, check out Eccl 9:9 and memorize it. Your wife is God’s gift to you. Cherish your gift and give thanks to God. Don’t ever speak words of behavioral change to her until you have first spoken to your heavenly Father, and let Him solve the issue and mold your mate into His likeness. (Barbara and I made this commitment to each other 50 years ago. It works!) He doesn’t need us to play “Holy Spirit” in our wife’s life.

Well guys, we’ve just begun. We’ll probably need another installment on down the trail. Meanwhile, hang in there! You too can make it to 50 golden years. And oh how a good marriage ripens with age! I am a blessed man.

Hope you are too.

Your fellow trekker on the marriage trail,

Jim Meredith